Edward’s Diary Entry 104: A Death in the Family

A death in the family should certainly teach something to the living. It’s no good just crying and getting upset. That neither helps the dead nor the living. It’s just acting out of pain with little Awareness. A death is a cessation of the activity of mind and body. The dead or dying person can sometimes be thankful for that: no more pain, no more mental suffering. But if the living, the family members and friends who remain behind, only indulge in emotions of pain and suffering, or become obsessed with inheritances and material things, what good has that life been to others, except to perpetuate the lower emotions and thoughts?

I saw in my mind’s eye a tomb, as if in a church, and on either side people were standing and arguing fiercely about what to do with the deceased’s possessions, how to organise the future, wrangling over a series of material objects. They were fighting, sad and angry. At times there was still laughter and a fond smile, but mostly it was squabble. Isn’t that a pity? Just underneath, the gentleman, now turned to ashes, was resting quietly and peacefully, and up above, his family members were bickering about this, that and the other. Some still wanted to say goodbye somehow, not having found the time to do so in life. Some of course were taken by surprise, whereas others knew and prepared for the day that came all too quickly.

We could remember the words of Marcus Aurelius, urging us to “conduct our funeral as a triumph”, but if that sounds too exaggerated, we can at least look at death as another exercise in behaving virtuously. There should be no fear or fright; no unpleasant speech or resentment; no impatience or indolence; no miserliness or lack of generosity; no abandonment of control over the senses; no self-centredness; no lack of interest in learning; no sloth, crookedness, violent thoughts and vengeance, no lying or cheating. There should be no anger and irritableness; no attachment to reward; no agitation, nervousness; no nagging and backbiting or criticising; no uncaring attitudes towards anyone or anything; no envy, greed or coveting; no cruelty or teasing; no evil actions; no fickleness or doubt; no laziness or weakness; no hard-heartedness; lack of control, lack of consideration for others, no jealously; no traces of hidden malice; no egotism, vanity and seeking praise and appreciation. How is this possible? By applying the Virtues to the mind-stuff, instead of their opposites.

When one brave and courageous man dies with dignity, the survivors must pay heed to the lesson: if one man can shed his body and mind in peace and tranquillity and even with a little disdain for methods intended to prolong life perhaps unnecessarily at a lower quality level than before, then the survivors should be capable, also, of shedding their negative thoughts, feelings and behaviours out of respect for such a one, or even for their own mental health. The dead who are brave teach us to be brave in life too, and curb the lower, unwanted behaviours of the human mind.

So live and learn, before it’s too late. And do what you have to do in life, not later.