Am I happy with what I do in life?

“And he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many.” Mark 5:6-13. Yes, we are many. It is not some kind treatise on demons, pigs or unclean spirits. It’s a psychological fact from normal, present-day human life. It was true in 33 BC. It’s true today.

Look. It’s morning. You (1) wake up and roll over, thinking (2), “oh no, it’s Monday, I don’t want to get up. Just give me a few more minutes till the alarm rings again.” You (3) drift off and have a dream about something crazy happening to you (4). The alarm rings and wakes you (5) again. You (6) curse and say, “oh well, I guess I have to, or else I’ll (7) be late and there’s no one else to get that meeting prepared,” which is what you (8) have to do today, remember? The sunlight is coming through your window and you (9) think “oh, that’s nice, I (10) wish I could be at the beach again today like I (11) was yesterday.” It was nice, especially when you (12) saw those two good-looking girls in bikinis from afar, but, then that guy came back and kept them busy, and you (13) couldn’t make your approach, could you? Your feet come onto the floor, damn (14), where are those slippers? I (15) forgot them last night. Oh well, at least the bathrobe’s here. That stupid bathrobe tie has come out of its loop again! Jesus, I (16) hate Monday mornings! Everyone does, I (17) don’t blame them. It’s a bunch of crap. They should do away with Mondays; five Fridays a week would be better. What? The phone at this time? Didn’t I (18) mute it last night? No, it’s a Whats. I (19) should’ve muted that chat, shouldn’t I? Oh no, I’m (20) supposed to be there already, I (21) forgot we had an early-morning briefing session before the meeting. Why didn’t I (22) remember that? Sh*t! Now trembling, you (23) get to the bathroom, almost slipping at the door, and try to open the shower curtain, but it snags and you (24) curse again, turning on the hot water. Then lifting the toilet cover, you (25) remember  you (26) didn’t flush it last night. That’s funny, I (27) always flush it, guess I’m (28) getting lazy. Oh well, yawning and shaking your thing, you (29) finish, picturing your boss red with anger when she finds out how late you’re (30) going to be. If she could see me (31) now, shaking my dick, wouldn’t that be funny? I’d give her… (32). But wait, the water’s boiling hot already, time for a quick shower and out… Let’s forget the dressing part and the problem with the lift – “too many people in this building, I (33) should move! – Coffee downstairs, that’s the slowest waiter I’ve (34) ever seen, just when I’m (35) in a hurry, damn, and the coffee’s too hot as well. Give it a shot will ya?, what the heck, I (36) must have some chewing gum somewhere so they won’t notice the cognac and a few quick puffs, yeah, I (37) was going to quit, but can’t do it now, can I (38)...? Forget the motorcycle, let’s get a taxi, shit! Three already and all busy. This is ridiculous, I’ll (39) never get there. Why don’t I (40) find a different job? For Chrissakes…”

Just a brief span in the morning and there are already at least 40 “me’s” vying with each other for attention, all taking over the whole body and mind, making it tremble, shake, get tense, stressing it up, fuelling anxiety, all demanding their part in the show. Bitching, complaining, demanding, giving importance to me and mine. All day the “me’s” do this, and it’s a wonder the body and mind don’t go completely berserk. If you ask this Hipster “Where are you now?”, he would give you a funny look and think, “whaddya nuts?” He doesn’t have many moments of actually “being aware” of his thoughts and emotions; they just happen to him and are acted on. There’s no calm observer in the background applying will to a decision. There’s no plan. There’s just a compendium of movements-feelings-thoughts being elicited by occurrences and being played out as if on a stage. Everything’s going on front stage, and there’s no director in the house. There wasn’t even a dress rehearsal.

This is life compartmentalised into tiny sections. Every “me” battling against another. How can someone be happy like this? Or happy with what they do in life? The answer to the question “Are you happy with what you do in life?” can be very tough, or very easy. It depends on your mind-set, and your inner make-up. If something of permanent value has been found in daily life, there may be inner calm, peacefulness and happiness. If there are a just bundle of conflicting thoughts, emotions and behaviour patterns, there can be little happiness – it just comes and goes from outside depending on circumstances. And so life goes on, with a tendency to seek out more pleasures than pains in a losing battle, because in the end, when it comes time to say goodbye, the memory of past pleasure gives us nothing, and the pain of no more pleasure-hunting is the final notice that you’re life has been lived in vain.

“…and the herd, numbering about two thousand, rushed down the steep bank into the sea and drowned in the sea.”

Remember that Jesus was that “manner of man” that even the wind and the sea obeyed him (previous verse Mk 4:41), really meaning that he had conquered the elements of water, earth (and fire and air) within himself. So when the “two thousand” drowned in the sea, it was because the fragmented egoic structure had finally been dipped in the water of truth and had disintegrated. This is what we are urged to do: re-structure our conditioned mental makeup by mastering the elements within us, and finding peace inside once the swine have choked to death.