Wednesday, 13 July 2016

Edward’s Diary Entry 69 – Virtue 22 Forgiveness (Kshama): / What to do about grudges?

Vengeance, revenge, retribution, settling of scores, punishment, getting even…

I am familiar with a business that was managed by an employee who betrayed the trust of the owner and stole large quantities of money before he was eventually found out and dismissed, then moving on to a second concern and actually doing the same in even less time than before, being caught there too. Some employees at the first place were in cahoots with him, others stood up to him, and one who did was dismissed before the truth was found out… The owner of the business is a person who is familiar with the Virtues, and after lengthy legal battles, a decline in business, quite a few queries from clients, and doubts and frowns and criticisms, etc., eventually the whole thing settled down and started flowing more smoothly. There were many calls for vengeance, chastisement, having the thief beaten up, and similar suggestions for behaving in a way which, according to the owner, would have been tantamount to the original bad behaviour of the thief in question.

So the owner gave a lesson in patience, charitableness, faith in human goodness, and non-violence, and an actual prohibition was given not to harm this thief in any way – life would take care of him in due course. It was not necessary for anyone to soil their hands meting out so-called “justice”. Wrongdoing cannot be corrected by more wrongdoing even if it’s done in the name of righteousness. Your own karma is affected if instead of doing right, you do wrong, or vikarma.

Some people find it very difficult to understand why personal revenge cannot be taken. “If we beat him to a pulp, he will learn not to do this again!” Well, no, hitting someone may induce fear, but it is not going to change the wrongdoer’s mindset. It’s no use arguing about it. Either you choose to do right action, or you don’t. You have to see what it does to the mind to understand the application of violence and pandering to the inbred desire for a vendetta.

Once you see this and understand it, there are no grudges, no bad feelings, no oozing wounds requiring some kind of misdemeanour. Vindictiveness is nipped in the bud. A thief is a thief. He’s simply a person who ignores the boundaries between “mine” and “yours”. He is protecting his own economic security without realising that his actions are wrong. He justifies his actions to himself as being good for him. He is blind to his action as being wrong or unjust to the person he is stealing from. It is him first. His family first. His desires first. Others simply don’t matter.

If we look carefully, we will see that we all perpetrate this in some way, unless there is sufficient Self-Awareness to counteract it. We want our desires to be fulfilled, and when they aren’t, we get upset. We want our loved ones to be protected. We want our friends, families, tribes, clans, nations, religions, creeds, and so on, to be first – not those of others. We protect our egos, our personalities, our sense of self. It is the way society has taught us to act. Survival of the fittest means “me first, you later, if at all!”, and only certain social norms are supposed to counteract the meanest of our human desires. We pursue ego, but if we are somewhat cultured, we try to cater to this ego in a “politically correct” way. The uncultured just do what their crude desires tell them to.

So when we see this, and truly understand it, we immediately forgive those who have trespassed against us. Or don’t even blame them. They are us, we are them. The truly intelligent apply Kshama, forgiveness, and endure so-called “bad” behaviour with patience. “Bad” behaviour is totally relative. The wrongdoers cannot help it. Society made them that way, and they haven’t started working on their own self-development yet. They are still immature, unconscious, child-like.

What’s the solution? First, change yourself, by which you contribute to a change in society, and then as society (a larger number of people) continues to teach its unconscious lessons, the damage will eventually be lower… It may sound long and drawn out. But it starts with you and me. Or do you think that from what we know of history in the past 3000 years, punishment, home-baked settling of scores, or even nation-state retaliation actually makes humans better? 

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