Edward’s Diary Entry 98: Now what? A Working Hypothesis…

And so the exercise has been done and – if you’ve been attentive – we have analysed the Gothic “I” in all its mystical glory and gained some insight into how and why it symbolises something and seems to preserve some special knowledge for us, if we look closely enough... One letter, representing our psyche, our self, with one part facing outwards like the five senses, and an inner construction for which we have to look within to better understand ourselves. But looking within is looking at blackness. Not exactly complete blackness as shown here, as there are always pinpoints of light and clouds and moonshine, much like the night sky...

Now, after a whole year of reviewing the Virtues in their positive attributes and their opposites, the Senses and the Gothic “I”, and quite a few articles and extras, I’m ready for more… Are you? Here’s a quick review of Edward’s mindset, written on 6 October 2016.

Working hypothesis 06.10.16:

Mind: There is this sensation of “me” which I call my “Self-Awareness”, and that is what drives this search, part of a “Life Plan” to delve within the mind, considering that we live in our minds, and we don’t even look into them properly, and accept all kinds of theories and words from others. That is a great mistake. This “Self-Awareness” is so “me” that it just happens, or works (or doesn’t work), and there is no getting behind it to observe it. It is just observing and experiencing. So as I sit still with eyes closed, there is darkness, and I reject all swirling lights and clouds and stars and black holes and retinal images and other things, and insist on an answer to “Who am I?”, “What is the origin of this I-thought?”. It takes great but silent effort to do this.

Body: The workings of the body are noted: heartbeat, breathing, perhaps some stomach gas or a sensation of fullness or emptiness, or a slight hunger pang, a discomfort here or there (normally due to yoga, or stretching, etc.).

Feelings:  The “feelings”, if any, do come occasionally, are noted, like excitement, calmness (serenity), delight, joy, satisfaction, interest, pleasure, surprise (amazement), longing (for an answer)… There are residual feelings of a “negative” nature that are detected occasionally, but usually caught and seen immediately, and not reacted to.

Thinking: The “thought process” is noted. It comes unexpectedly, a thought pops up, and the realisation that there are thoughts is noted. During practises, they are forthwith rejected, as it is not time for thinking during such sessions. An “idea” may occur, and it is noted and usually remembered for later writing (as in this very case). But usually thinking is quiet, as there are only two thoughts of importance in these sessions: WAI on the in-breath and WIG on the out-breath. WAI is of course Who Am I?, and WIG is an attempt to connect to a higher source and put things in perspective by referring to Where is God?, or Where is the Creator?, meaning how did all this come about?

Dreaming: The “dream process” is noted. As “Awareness” wavers, or “sleep” oppresses, what I call “dream images” and “thought trains” occur, and one can drift off into these. But usually “Awareness” returns and a renewed effort is made to reject the dream image or thought process, and breathing or breath-retention is used to come back to WAI-WIG only, or greater concentration on the “inner sound” that is always there.

Blackness: All else is black. There is nothing there. It’s a black wall. If drifting occurs, it may look interesting, but one can see an underlying dreaming process that could be called some kind of “subconsciousness”, but little importance is given to this – it may all be dreams, and we must have clear-cut reality. Unless something is very, very clear and explicit, it is rejected.

Visions: Very occasionally, reported in diaries, images seem to come from a “different place” – one is wide awake and attentive inside, with no sensation of sleepiness, and suddenly a clear photographic image occurs. This does not come from the underlying dreaming process in my present opinion. I reserve any opinion about this and must wait and see.

“Intelligence”: Underpinning all functions is an innate “intelligence” in the sense of an ordering, application and use of energy to keep all instinctive processes working. Heart, blood, lymph, cellular functions, digestion, elimination, breathing and the stuff of mind – thinking, feeling, sensing – all intelligently cooperate to keep this LIFE going. This is inferred by the mind as it contemplates life operations.

Other words: The things lots of people “talk about”, and even write about (as I sometimes do!), like the “I”, the “soul”, the “spirit”, the energy body, the mental body, the “higher self”, the pain body, the subconscious, the unconscious, the ego (or id or superego or whatever), the personality, even the “self”, are all just words and do not correspond to anything I can see in my mind. My opinion on these terms is reserved for later. If anybody uses them, they have to define them in their own experience. So far, there seems to be no more in the Mind than what I have described above, and when other words are used, they must always be questioned.

That is the current state of affairs in Edward Wells’ mind. Two years ago, there were many more words, thoughts and feelings, but I had no idea what they really signified. Today, calm perseverance has so far served me well. I hope this Diary has also been good for you to some extent.