Are You in Control?

Dear Mr Concierge, what do you really control in your life?

My concierge said he had a problem... He shares a flat and has been told he has to move out in 2 month’s time because the property is being sold after 17 years of rental. This was a terrible blow to him, and he complained about the injustice of this… He says he needs more time.

Well, whenever something unexpected hits you in life, it’s because you haven’t analysed exactly what you control in your life. But wait, is total control possible? There’s a simple answer: N-O, no. Externals will always get out of hand at some point. But it is a good exercise to put things into focus once in a while. A rough guideline would look like this:

Money:	Job, income, outlays	Is my job secure? I could lose it any time, then I wouldn’t have an income. Am I prepared for this?
Roof:	Housing, property, rent	Do I own my property? Taxes may increase. If I’m renting, contracts can be terminated, so I need to realise that.
Possessions:	Transport, collections, furniture, decoration, personal items	Do I have a vehicle? It may be break down or be damaged at any time, even stolen. Disasters can strike and destroy my possessions. Robbers could break in and steal something, etc.
Food:	Eating and drinking	Do I control the source of my food? Do I know where it comes from, how it’s grown or produced? Is it natural or full of man-made chemicals and preservatives, factory food and fast food? Is this healthy? Am I in control of the water or liquids I drink?
Relationships:	Spouse, family, children, friends	Can I be sure a marriage or relationship will last forever? Do family members create problems for me, or I for them? Are my children growing up properly, and what does that mean? Can I always trust my friends? Will they make me happy at all times? Are they supposed to?
Health:	Sickness, disease and death	Will I succumb to illness at some time? Am I healthy? Will disease strike unexpectedly? Will I even die two minutes from now, I do not know, do I?
Mind:	Thoughts, feelings, impulses...	Can I trust my own mind to work properly and not misguide me? Am I in control of my own mind? Do I control thoughts, feelings, impulses? What about the unconscious and/or subconscious? What about my dreams, hopes and fears? Is my mind even mine? What is my mind composed of? Do I know?

You see, there’s no guarantee from outside sources, from the “externals” in our lives. Anything can change at any time, and the epigrammatic Murphy even made a Law of it. If anything can go wrong, it will (and some add, “and at the worst possible time!”).

So an intelligent human being will never trust only to “externals”, nor will he or she have any expectations that override actual occurrences. A smart person will get to the bottom of the whole equation and realise that it is the MIND that is the problem. We (mis-)“train” our minds (or they have been mis-trained for us due to wrong education) in such a way that all externals, all our sense perceptions of whatever happens out there, simply automatically (and without much intelligence) spark off a reaction in the mindstuff that opposes the reality of any situation that doesn’t coincide with our little wishes, our likes and dislikes or expectations. Our minds are out of control, and therefore any situation can go wrong at any time and make us anxious, stressed-out and miserable.

The solution to this is to “re-train” the mind to see reality as it is. It may be useful to make a chart of your “externals” and see how they might change at any time and so be better prepared for when they do, because they will. But that’s a makeshift plan. The real plan is to work on the mind so that it will not simply react to a changing circumstance and produce anxiety, fear, worry, misery or what have you, but on the contrary simply see the occurrence and find a solution, if there is one, or adapt. Now what do we need for that?

We need a total “mind overhaul”, and for that we have to sit still and look inside where all the action is happening all the time. We may think something is happening “out there in the world” that affects us, but it is not really happening there. It is taking place inside our heads and hearts, because that is where the seat of our experience can be found. We receive impressions and that is what makes up our world, and our world is inside us. So why are we looking around outside for a solution? It’s a neverending mistake to do that.

This has been stated ever since the first smart guy or guru began talking to someone else – many millennia ago. There’s a Mullah Nasrudin story about it, with the Mullah looking for the key to his house out in the garden, having lost it inside, where it was too dark to search, and I’ve also found a French cartoon strip about this adapted for America in 1942. Take a look... and search for some light in the inner darkness.