In
the last diary entry, I mentioned a stillness within… What is this?
Imagine
you are sitting, crosslegged, with your left heel firmly placed against the
muladhara. The left leg is tucked in nicely; the right leg still protests after
a year and 3 months of crosslegged sitting. We Europeans are not used to this
and it takes quite a while to re-adapt the body, even if you go to yoga classes
2 or 3 times a week to get more flexible. First you use a cushion under one
leg, and as it gets relaxed and more flexible the leg gets lower and lower
until it lies flat on the floor. The muscles and tendons cry out, and you have
to keep insisting – first 15 to 20 minutes, then add another exercise and go
for more. At present I can normally sit for 75 minutes in one session without
too much discomfort. Sometimes, the right leg has to be brought up or
stretched, but only when I finally make a decision to do this, not just because
it hurts. Often times, the pain will diminish or go away completely if
relaxation can be managed properly.
So
we are firmly rooted on the ground. The physical binds us, letting us know we
are mortal and subject to pain and stiffness. It tells us we are basically
earth and will return to earth in the form of dust and ashes. For all our
rootedness, however, there is a fountain of lightness within, when we place our
attention on the breath as it comes in and goes out. Palms are facing upward on
our thighs, and the breath enters the higher lobes of the lungs and then gets
pushed out again. Such a simple thing is really quite complicated, as perhaps a
dull leg pain enters the field of awareness, but at the same time awareness is successively
on the in-breath and on the out-breath, one can feels one’s palms, sometimes
with quite a strong sensation, which together with a sensation around the
forehead, seems to form a triangular field of force. At the same time, one
single thought is being used on the in-breath, and another single thought is
being mentally reproduced on the out-breath. This goes on for around 10
minutes.
Meanwhile,
throughout this process, our awareness is “attacked” at times by evocations
from memory, picturings from things seen and heard, or thoughts referring to
these past situations; or by the fancies of imagination, wherein we picture a
future situation, or conjure up a thought about this, that or whatever. Often,
these things have to do with something we plan to do immediately, or with the
practise itself, or even with so-called “higher things”, but really there is no
higher or lower here – it is all the incessant attempt of the mind to keep
moving and active, and keep us bound to it, as the body does. Imaginings are
occasional, however, and are simply noted and witnessed. When renewed awareness
is placed on the breath, or on the point between the eyebrows with our eyes
closed, they mostly dissipate and fall into unimportance. Also occasionally
entering awareness is an itch here or there, a hair being moved by the breeze
from a window, and other little tricks from the body to try and distract us from
our purpose. We ignore these mostly, even if a fly buzzes around our face or
sits on our naked leg, which happened to me one day, and I had to laugh.
Then,
after the repetition of the 2 thoughts, there is a dwell phase and a listening
and doing-nothing phase. And it is here, normally, in this phase, where because
of: 1) the stationery bodily position, 2) the awareness of breathing, 3) the
10-min. repetition of a single thought, now finished, and 4) the unwavering
focus of the closed eyes between the eyebrows, we come to a point where the
sensation of our awareness, of our “I”, is actually floating above the former
movement of the mind and seems to be ensconced in a dome-like structure, like
the ceiling of a cave, where there is peace, calm, silence, tranquillity and
not a little faint joy, sometimes tinged with a bluish or purplish colour,
where “all is calm… all is bright”, but there is not even a trace of the music
of Silent Night – just the sensation of stillness, where we dwell above
the ragings of the mind. This is the stillness within, and its effects give our
day a much more joyous experience.
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