We observe the
surroundings. The surroundings don’t help much – in fact, they distract, as
thoughts arise and fuel more thoughts. These are comparative thoughts, and somewhat
useful in that they question why we only see the outside or the physical and
how can we see from the inside, or something similar, or recognise our shared
essential humanity, and the like, but too much of this takes awareness away
from breathing, and so we are back in that.
The on/off switch
for identification with our own processes – thinking, feeling and
holding opinions of our self – is pretty well established. The underlying will or deciding
capacity is there for this, because identification or attachment is the most superficial activity of the
mind: accretions from society, parents, peers… In other words, we are not
totally immersed in our own psychological or mental processes that we can’t see
the tricks played by the mind in this respect. The typical tricks include
problems with self-esteem, self-worth, self-importance, fragile egos looking
for attention, like the dog on a leash softly whining this morning at me, and
asking for a little petting – hesitant at first, and then liking it more and
more. Thoughts like “how could this have happened to me!” “how dare they talk
about me that way!” “they are always putting me down, laughing at me,
criticising me – I’ll show ‘em, they’re the stupid ones, that’s what they are!”
And so on. This no longer happens to Edward Wells, as he stands a little above this,
with a modicum of tranquillity in this respect.
But where is the
on/off switch for memory? Sometimes the “on” switch works quite well.
When talking about the past, Edward sometimes has surprising capacities for
recall: the name of the eye doctor at 11 years of age; the name or lyrics of
the song that coincides with someone’s sudden thought; answers to questions
from the elderly who can no longer remember things that happened 45 years ago or
more… but at other times, other people show more prowess in this field, don’t
they, my love? The “off” switch for occasional reminiscences seems simply to be
disregarding images popping into the field of awareness by using awareness or
placing attention on other processes of a more vital kind, like moving legs,
breathing in and out, or looking up at the sky from a city street to appreciate
a cloud formation, which not many people seem interested in doing. These picturings and fictitious role-plays simply fade away with renewed attention, or a simple thought
like “back to the present, my boy!” But still, the memory process lurks in the
background ready to jump up and call for attention at any moment, particularly
if there is a candescent life situation that is currently of interest. There is
no sure-fire way to either switch it on or switch it off. Awareness of
immediate physical processes like breathing seems to be the only way. Maybe that's because breath goes beyond mere oxygenation to connect us with the entire world...
Now
what about the on/off switch for emotions? A-ha! This is pretty easy for
Edward. Because there is a pervading emotional background anyway which needs no
special disturbing – it is calm, peaceful enjoyment, sometimes increasing to
delight and joy, sometimes just remaining in a sort of dwell phase of mild
pleasantness. This is due to a thinking process that is also quite
orderly, for without a well-established thinking capacity, emotions can sway completely
out of control at any moment depending on circumstances. And the student of the
mind does not want this. We are looking for what is behind the body and behind
the mind – inside the psyche so to speak, pushing it, fuelling it, making it
tick. What is it that makes the mind tick? Where does this “I”-thought come
from? How is it powered? Whence does it come? There is this seat of decision
making and will somewhere there in the background, and it has nothing to do
with what is being thought, felt, dredged up from memory or used as a source of
attachment or identification or imbued with a sensation of egoistic self-worth.
It is something else, not this. So, as thoughts basically revolve around a
clear idea of what is higher nature and what is lower nature, what is virtuous
or not, what is sattvic and what is rajic, what is karma and what
is akarma and vikarma, good action or bad, what leads to increased awareness or
what doesn’t, the thinking process is not such a problem anymore. When it is
seen that thinking wants to travel its own way – the way of the world, physicality
and feelings – the superficial thinking mind can be given an exercise to do,
simply repeating its mantra-questions or being forced to turn its thoughts inward
to seek the source of the process itself. And all other “automatic concerns”,
let’s call them, fade away. Give a dog a bone and it’ll chew – that’s the
truism and it works for vagrant minds. Viz Thoreau, who said, “Do what you
love. Know your own bone; gnaw at it, bury it, unearth it, and gnaw it still.”
The
higher faculty of thinking is purposeful thinking – thinking about real things,
ourselves, the world and its people and their problems – and striving to come
to a logical solution for these things. Useless thinking, and wasteful expenditure
of air, is called “gossiping”, of which there is much. Purposeful, dedicated
thinking about one’s self, one’s life, about meaning, and even one’s purpose in
life, is what I call higher thinking. And this is something I mostly do on my
own, for lack of appropriate company, unfortunately! Or indulge in on this blog
for my own benefit and possibly that of others….
In
any case, the process continues and Edward offers himself as a true and faithful
guinea pig of the mind. And, one day, we will see what comes of all this…
hopefully.
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